Famous Class – Brofile by F. Albert Herter

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Famous Class is based in a converted fire station/tree house in West Williamsburg designed by the same 17 year old Swiss architects who did LeBron James’ signature Air Jordan-shaped puffy mansion in the suburbs of Cleveland. It’s been nothing but big decisions for the Famous Class family ever since taking occupancy in early 2010. “First of all, we realized that dogs can’t climb rope ladders, nor can they really use fire poles” says Cyrus Lubin, who lives with a team of Aleutian sled dogs and travels about the city on a customized rollerblade sled. “What a mess that was,” he chuckles as he cranks up the pancake machine.

Just in time for our visit, the entire team has assembled for their weekly pancake prayer-meeting breakfast served up as always by chefs Willie Meismer and Paul St. Vincent X. “We got this idea from a Seinfeld episode,” explains Chef Paul. “You know, the one where Kramer gets his balls stuck in Cameron Diaz’s zipper and George invents a new recipe for pancakes. We figured we could try the same thing and it’s really been beautiful.”

After a brief yet uncomfortably violent tussle for first dibs, Jamie Ayers cedes pride of place to Mark D. Jack who piles on a short stack of Mickey Mutant Mouse-shaped flapjacks. The much buzzed-about breakfast bacchanal is strictly by invitation only and features a sparkling guest-list. Only last week, rocker and TV personality Charlie Rose made a surprise appearance as special guest Leaky Lou. Today however, the Famous Class team somberly absorbs the news that Sandra Bullock, moments away from stepping into a starring role as Oozy Suzy, has abruptly left the treehouse complex following a dispute over her honorarium.

In response, the members of Darlings, Boogie Boarder, Tony Castles, Snakes Say Hisss, Tough Knuckles, Huxtables,and the California Chorus Revels Chorus share a moment of psionic bonding and channel a psychic spy satellite image of Tom Cruise to lead the assembled team members in a prayer to the Prime Sentinels. Merlyn, Soul Skinner, Troll Associates, and Ms. Bullock, all arch-enemies of the Famous Class crew, are cursed in turn before the feast begins. Bon Apetile!